Darlings,
I am on the run today, but I just had to leave you with these few thoughts.
"When posing for the paparzzi, always stand on the right!" There is a reason for this, your angle for both face and body is always thinner also when they label the photo underneath it reads from left to right, so your name will be first, so when facing the photographer stand to the right of the group---your right.
"True Divas go by first names only" This is true if you are someone like Cher, Marylin, Madonna, and Dietrich, but with someone like Mae West, you need to use both names, because one cannot contain the full Divaness of her.
"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." --- C.S. Lewis Never truer words spoken or written, our souls continue forever, we only borrow the body.
And now Darlings, I must be off, so much to do, not enough time to do it in.
Until Anon, Kisses.
Showing posts with label What is a Diva. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What is a Diva. Show all posts
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Organizing what important papers to keep and other thoughts~~~~
My goodness Darlings,
All that rain and wind yesterday! I was watching the 5 o’clock news and I am so glad that I stayed home all day, but how frightening it must have been for those drivers on the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge.
It reminds me of the storms we had nearly 10 years ago and all those houses sliding down from the Hills. Some of my friends were nearly in that situation, fortunately their support pillars held and they had a chance to fix things so it would not be a problem again.
Well today Darlings I had to venture out into the rain, supplies for the house and groceries too, but I thought it would be best to have Princess stay at home, I didn’t want her to get wet in all of this. And my goodness did anyone see the lightening?
Fortunately Betty and I decided it would be best to join forces, so planning our trip like Generals we purchased the non-perishables first, then had a light lunch of soup and salad at one of our favorite eateries and I put Irma’s and mine idea about forming a booklet of places to go to, to rest have coffee, a light snack, or dinner, or other ideas----that way we wouldn’t have to rack out brains out.
She loved the idea so we are getting together tomorrow afternoon to plan how to focus our project---even if it’s for just our own use it will help take out any guess work and also give us a chance to plan on trying new places as well.
But I did promise to find a list of important papers to keep for your files. And Darlings, I was lucky and came across a web site that has listed from a government brochure what is important to keep, the brochure is no longer printed----but it’s alright to copy this information.
And trust me on this, you Darling Divas, this is very important information to have
Here it is-----there will be comments from me set within ( ) to add to it.~~~~~~~
Now Darlings at the bottom of all this Wonderful information is a list of how long to keep financial records, and although many places say 6 years I strongly recommend 10 years, it’s so much easier to keep track of decades.
Keeping Family/Household Records KEEPING FAMILY/HOUSEHOLD RECORDS
This brochure is no longer available in print. It is based on a chapter
from the U. S. Department of Agriculture's 1973 Yearbook of Agriculture
and has been adapted for use online by the Federal Citizen Information
Center of the General Services Administration as a public service. The
chapter on which this brochure is based was originally prepared by
Constance Burgess, a retired Cooperative Extension consumer education
specialist from the University of California. The information is in the
public domain and you are welcome to reference or copy it for educational
purposes.
What to Discard
When was the last time you couldn't find an important paper you knew you
had carefully put away someplace? How much time do you spend trying to
straighten out your household business affairs, especially at income tax
time?
How, in fact, do people decide what records are important to keep and what
they can discard? How do they decide where to store and keep such records
and papers?
Even though each family or household must work out its own system, some
general guidelines can be helpful. As a starter, ask yourself a few
questions:
How easy or difficult would it be for other members of your household to
figure out your record system? Or…do you even have a system?
Who besides you knows where to turn for necessary information about the
family household assets and obligations? Do you have a listing of people
who are important contacts, such as tax counselors, attorneys, bankers,
brokers, insurance representatives, employers, creditors, and debtors?
Are you sure titles to property and possessions are held in the best way
for all concerned? If not, you may want to ask an estate attorney or a
trust officer at your bank for professional assistance.
A good record system will provide a bird's-eye view of what happens to
property after you die or when a member of your household dies. Other
changes can alter plans too---for example, divorce or separation,
children reaching legal age, a long illness, a lawsuit, a natural
disaster, loss of a job, and retirement.
What happens if the place where you live is burglarized or there's a
fire and records are destroyed? What do you do when you lose track of
important paper. Which can be replaced, and how do you go about that?
Which ones cannot be replaced, and what do you do about those?
Papers to Keep in Safe Deposit Boxes
Every family household has some important records. Each of us should have
a birth certificate or an acceptable substitute. Since there are many
occasions when the information on your birth certificate will be needed,
it is important that you keep it in a safe place, preferably in a safe
deposit box.
If you have lost or misplaced birth certificates, consider applying for
replacements now, before there is a pressing need. Otherwise, you may have
to wait for one you need quickly.
State registration of births has been mandatory since 1920, and you can
contact your State agency to get a copy. The Bureau of the Census also
will search its files for proof of age.
By the same token, there will be death certificate for every person
someday. These will be needed occasionally and also are best kept in a
safe deposit box.
If you need to obtain these kinds of records, the publication, Where to
Write for Vital Records is available for viewing or purchase from the
Federal Citizen Information Center, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
Other important documents to be kept in your safe deposit box include
marriage certificates, divorce or other legal papers regarding dissolution
of marriage, adoption papers, citizenship records, service papers, and any
other document that is either government or court recorded. The original
copy of a will, in most cases, is kept in the safe of the attorney who
prepared it.
This is highly desirable, since it may save complications
later. The client receives two carbon copies, one of which may be put into
his or her own safe deposit box. However, there could be a legal delay in
getting this copy at his or her death. The third copy, therefore, should
be kept at home where it is readily accessible.
Some of your important papers, such as investments, are of a business or
financial nature. Certificates for securities are nonnegotiable (can't be
sold or legally transferred) until they are signed by the owner.
Nevertheless, such certificates can be lost or stolen, and the signature
can be forged. In either case replacement involves both cost and delay.
Such certificates then, when not left with the broker, should be kept in
the owner's safe deposit box.
Government bonds can be replaced without cost, but there will be a delay
of several months. So it is best to keep these in the box also.
Among other investment-type documents that require safekeeping are papers
that serve as proof of ownership, such as deeds for real estate, other
mortgage papers, contracts, automobile titles (if this applies in your
State), leases, notes, and such special papers as patents and copyrights.
Renting a Safe Deposit Box
If you don't have a safe deposit box, then consider getting one. The
yearly rental, at your bank or savings and loan company, is inexpensive.(Darlings, even I cannot stress this idea enough)
Often the smallest size is adequate, though larger sizes are available at
slightly higher charges.
If you do have a safe deposit box, ask yourself if it is large enough to
hold everything that should be in it-and small enough to keep out things
that don't need to be there. If you store documents from investment
properties or securities, the rental can be claimed as a deduction for
income tax purposes. The box should not be used as a catchall for
souvenirs and unimportant papers.
What Goes In And What Stays Out
A guideline as to what goes in and what stays out of your safe deposit box
might be: Put it in if you can't replace it or if it would be costly or
troublesome to replace.
Many items can be replaced rather easily. Copies of insurance policies can
be obtained from your insurance companies. Copies of cancelled checks are
usually available at your bank. Generally speaking, you do not need to
keep the following in a safe deposit box: income tax returns, education
records, employment records, bankbooks, social security cards, guarantees,
and burial instructions.
Keeping Tax Records
How long should you keep tax records? The Internal Revenue Service has 3
years in which to audit Federal income tax returns. However, this limit
does not apply in unusual cases. If you failed to report more than 25
percent of your gross income, the Government has 6 years to collect the
tax or to start legal proceedings. Also, there are no time limitations if
you filed a fraudulent return or if you failed to file a return.
(Darlings, my late husband was an attorney and even if he wanted to conceal something from me he NEVER concealed anything from the IRS)
But you don't have to keep everything for tax purposes. You can lighten
your record load by discarding certain checks and bills once they have
served their purpose.
For example, you can throw away weekly or monthly
salary statements---assuming you are paid in that way---after you check
them against your annual W-2 Form.
But save cancelled checks that relate directly to an entry on your tax return, and keep all medical bills for 3 years to back up your cancelled checks.
(Darlings, I recommend that you keep all your medical bills permanently, for those of you who have relatives that are on Medicare and Medical, those bills can help prove your case, especially if there is any type of wrong doing, Mean Kitty’s Mother’s estate was being sued by Medi-Cal for monies even though there was no estate, but Medi-Cal insisted there was---and it was strange that the amount being sued for was the exact amount Mean Kitty had to pay for her Mother’s Funeral---she hired a lawyer to deal with Medi-Cal and they reduced their demands to $500 always get a lawyer on your side to do the fighting, if they are smart they will have connections)
The IRS generally keeps records for 6 years. You can obtain a copy of your
tax return by writing to the IRS center to which your return was sent.
Make sure you include your social security number and a notarized
signature.
Making Household Inventory Records
Among your important papers keep a household inventory. If there is a fire
or burglary in your home, this record will help you remember what has to
be replaced and how much each item is worth. An inventory also may show
that you need to increase your insurance because your possessions are
worth more than you thought.
The best way to go about compiling a household inventory is to start with
a sheet of paper for each room in the house, apartment, etc. Forms on
which to record items are available from several places, sometimes from
your county Extension office.
When you make your inventory, start at one point in the room and go all
the way around, listing everything. For each item, list what it is, how
much it cost, when it was purchased, and what it would cost to replace it.
Include the model number, brand name, dealer's name, and a general
description. If you take pictures of the rooms and your household
possessions, it will make identification or replacement, easier. Arrange
expensive collections, silver, and jewelry separately and take close-up
pictures.
When you have finished all the rooms, including the basement, garage, and
attic, add up the total replacement cost. That figure will represent what
your household is worth and is what your insurance should cover.
Update your inventory every 6 months or so by adding new purchases and
adjusting replacement costs.
(Darlings it would be best to keep the house hold inventory record in your safe deposit box---but if you do not have a chance to do that, then keep it in a fire proof safe or have two copies one in your safe deposit box and one in your at home safe)
Organizing A Home Filing System
A system for personal records is a necessity. No matter how modest your
home facilities might be, you need a special place to keep your papers.
That could be as elaborate as a room or home office or as simple as a
corner of the kitchen, bedroom, or hall.
Records, regardless of the filing system used, should be reviewed at least
once a year to discard items no longer needed. January is a good time for
an overhaul, since it's just before you begin to work on taxes.
The equipment you will need doesn't have to be elaborate. Think about a
filing cabinet before you think about a desk. The two-drawer type can be
covered with paint or wallpaper. A wooden slab or hollow-core door
stretched across the top of two cabinets can make a practical home office
desk.
If you don't have space for a small cabinet, buy accordion folders, a
storage chest that fits under the bed, or get sturdy cardboard boxes of an
appropriate size.
A home computer or portable typewriter and a pocket calculator can be
handy, but they are not essential. The essential thing is to know where
everything is.
(Trust me Darlings, there is often enough a time when having a manuel portable typewriter can be a God-send and they still are making them, just check the internet)
Two Home Files
You should keep two home files, in addition to your safe deposit box at
the bank. These two files are your active file and your dead storage file.
Your active file will hold:
1) unpaid bills until paid,
2) paid bill receipts,
3) current bank statements,
4) current cancelled checks,
5) income tax working papers.
After 3 years, move these items to your dead storage file.
There are other items which should always be kept in your active file.
These include:
1) employment records, such as resumes, recommendation letters, health benefit information;
2) credit card information, including the number of each card, by company name;
3) insurance policies;
4) copies of wills;
5) family health records;
6) appliance manuals and warranties;
7) education information, such as transcripts, diplomas, etc.;
8) Social Security information on benefits and regulations; and
9) an inventory of what's in your safe deposit box (you might store a key in the inventory folder).
10) (Darlings I also recommend a power of attorney as well as a Medical Power of attorney, and a letter recommending what should be done if you do or do not want to be resuscitated----also give a copy of these papers on Medical information to your lawyer and to a responsible, reliable family member on your family side not on your spouses side Remember the Terri Shaivo case)
Finally, keep a record book of the whereabouts of your important papers.
If you use a loose-leaf binder, you will be able to change papers easily
Or copy a page or two.
The book should contain a list of all your savings and checking accounts.
(Darlings with ATM’s and such do be sure to include your passwords with each account)
This way you won't become one of the missing depositors who have forgotten
Their accounts or who have died without telling relatives about them.
Also, include the name and branch of the bank where you keep your safe
deposit box.
The book also should have all of the family members' social security
numbers, and all of the insurance policy information. It's a good idea to
keep a copy of your household inventory here as well.
Don't forget to record all your household improvements.
Finally, make sure someone else knows and understands the family
record-keeping system.
Preparing A Net Worth Statement
Have you tried filling out a net worth statement as a means of keeping
tabs on yourself and your family possessions? Such a record provides a
good overall picture and can be prepared in an hour or less. If you do it
annually, you can see quickly whether you are getting ahead financially or
falling behind and, in either case, how fast.
An accurate net worth statement can serve as a point of departure for the
year ahead. If you're not making as much progress financially as you had
expected to, you can decide whether to stay on course or to change
directions for the coming year.
Where are you going to find a net worth form that will meet your needs? Try your county Cooperative Extension Service office. Or ask at your bank. Better yet, perhaps you can make one to fit your family.
All you do is list your assets, list your obligations, and subtract the debts from the assets. Hopefully the plus side of the ledger will get larger each year and the minus side smaller. But there may be good reasons why you'll fall behind sometimes, such as when you buy a
new home or when other expenses are heavier than usual.
THINGS TO REMEMBER
Use the checklist chart below to remind yourself what to keep and what you
can discard.
Safe Deposit Box
Birth Certificates
Citizenship Papers
Marriage Certificates
Adoption Papers
Divorce Decrees
Wills
Death Certificates
Deeds
Titles to Automobiles
Household Inventory
Veteran's Papers
Bonds and Stock Certificates
Important Contracts
Active File
Tax Receipts
Unpaid Bills
Paid Bill Receipts
Current Bank Statements
Current Cancelled Checks
Income Tax Working Papers
Employment Records
Health Benefit Information
Credit Card Information
Insurance Policies
Copies of Wills
Family Health Records
Appliance Manuals and Warranties
Receipts of Items Under Warranty
Education Information
Inventory of Safe Deposit Box (and key)
Loan Statements
Loan Payment Books
Receipts of Expensive Items Not Yet Paid For
Power of attorney and Medical power of attorney and Medical Directive
Dead Storage
All Active File Papers Over 3 Years Old
Items To Discard
Salary Statements (after checking on W-2 Form)
Cancelled Checks for Cash or Nondeductible Expenses
Expired Warranties
Coupons After Expiration Date
Other Records No Longer Needed
NET WORTH STATEMENT as of ________________
(update annually)
Assets
Cash on Hand$______________
Bank accounts (checking and savings)$______________
Credit Union account$______________
Savings & loan accounts$______________
Any other savings accounts$______________
House, market value$______________
Other real estate, value$______________
Household furnishings, value$______________
Automobile(s), blue book value$______________
Life insurance, cash value$______________
Stocks and bonds, today's value$______________
Profit-sharing or retirement plans$______________
U.S. Savings Bonds$______________
Money owed you$______________
Other assets or investments$______________
Personal property$______________
Total Assets$______________
Obligations
Mortgages, balance due$______________
Other loans (bank, credit union)$______________
Installment debts, balance due$______________
Credit cards, balance due$______________
Charge accounts, owed$______________
Other debts, total owed$______________
Insurance premiums due$______________
Taxes owed$______________
Other current bills$______________
Total Debts$______________
Net Worth (assets minus debts)$______________
Now Darlings this following list maybe a repeat of what is listed above but at the time that the government brochure was printed it wasn't listing IRA's or 4o1 k's and other things, so the information below maybe a repeat of above but it is an update.
Tax returns and proof of filing: Forever - in case you are audited.
Documents Supporting Tax Returns (W-2, 1099, receipts to prove deductions,
etc.): Six years. The IRS has up to three years from when you file to look for
errors on your return and up to six years to audit you if it suspects you
underreported income by 25 percent. (There’s no limit if fraud is involved.)
Receipts: Until the warranty expires, or for as long as you need them for tax
purposes.
Securities Statements (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, etc.): For 6 years after
you sell them; to prove a profit or loss for tax purposes
Medical Bills: 1 yr, unless deducting for taxes, then 6 years.
Pay Stubs: Until your W-2 arrives; (Be sure to double check it for accuracy on
a regular basis!)
401k and IRA Statements: Until your year end statement arrives. Keep your year
end statements for at least 6 years for tax reasons.
Bank Statements: 1 year to confirm 1099.
Utility Bills: 1 year to track usage, assist with budgeting. If you claimed a
home office on your taxes, keep your records for six years.
Credit Card Statements: 1 month for most, so you can reconcile your purchases.
Keep them for longer if needed for tax reasons.
This is great advice to simplify book keeping and getting rid of clutter! It’s
much easier to do if you take care of things as they come in instead of trying
to do a year’s worth of book keeping in one sitting. So take the 15 minutes a
week and get organized!
Don’t forget to shred any documents that have important personal or financial
information before throwing them out! Many of these important documents contain
all the information identity thieves need to steal your identity and ruin your
life.
What financial records to keep and how long to keep them Inside: Home
You can't take everything with you, but the following are
suggestions about how long you should keep personal finance
and investment records on file:
Financial records timeline
Type of record Length of time to keep -- and why
TaxesReturns
Canceled checks/receipts (alimony, charitable contributions, mortgage interest and retirement
plan contributions)
Records for tax deductions taken Seven years
The IRS has three years from your filing date to
audit your return if it suspects good faith
errors.
The three-year deadline also applies if you
discover a mistake in your return and decide to
file an amended return to claim a refund.
The IRS has six years to challenge your return if
it thinks you underreported your gross income by
25 percent or more.
There is no time limit if you failed to file your
return or filed a fraudulent return.
(Remember my Diva Darlings, never try to cheat the IRS, you will lose, always have a good tax preparer do your return, espeically if you are in business or work hard to earn your money)
IRA contributions Permanently
If you made a nondeductible contribution to an IRA, keep the records indefinitely to prove that
you already paid tax on this money when the time comes to withdraw.
Retirement/savings plan statements From one year to permanently(I recommend permanently Darlings, Never trust the IRS)
Keep the quarterly statements from your 401(k) or other plans until you receive the annual
summary; if everything matches up, then shred the quarterlies.
Keep the annual summaries until you retire or close the account.
Bank records From one year to permanently
Go through your checks each year and keep those related to your taxes, business expenses, home improvements and mortgage payments.
Shred those that have no long-term importance.
Brokerage statements Until you sell the securities
You need the purchase/sales slips from your brokerage or mutual fund to prove whether you have capital gains or losses at tax time.
Bills From one year to permanently
Go through your bills once a year.
In most cases, when the canceled check from a
paid bill has been returned, you can shred the
bill.
However, bills for big purchases -- such as
jewelry, rugs, appliances, antiques, cars,
collectibles, furniture, computers, etc. --
should be kept in an insurance file for proof of
their value in the event of loss or damage.
Credit card receipts and statements From 45 days
to seven years (Espeically for any tax deduction or business related expense that is taken as a tax deduction)
Keep your original receipts until you get your
monthly statement; shred the receipts if the two
match up.
Keep the statements for seven years if
tax-related expenses are documented.
Paycheck stubs One year
When you receive your annual W-2 form from your
employer, make sure the information on your
stubs matches.
If it does, shred the stubs.
If it doesn't, demand a corrected form, known as
a W-2c.
House/condominium records From six years to permanently
Keep all records documenting the purchase price
and the cost of all permanent improvements --
such as remodeling, additions and installations.
Keep records of expenses incurred in selling and
buying the property, such as legal fees and your
real estate agent's commission, for six years
after you sell your home.
Holding on to these records is important because
any improvements you make on your house, as well
as expenses in selling it, are added to the
original purchase price or cost basis. This adds
up to a greater profit (also known as capital
gains) when you sell your house. Therefore, you
lower your capital gains tax.
)(Again Darlings when it comes to your house or condo never trust the IRS, I would keep it permanetly as an active file for 7 years then as an inactive file)
(Remember Darlings to also keep Medical Receipts for non-chronic and chronic illness and paid in full loan documents for at least 4 years although I would suggest permanently.
Keep all bank statements—including all canceled check, and receipts for living expenses, vacations, clothing and entertainment for 3 to 7 years especially if you are using it as a tax deduction---perhaps to be on the safe side-then permanently)
Source: Marquette National Bank and Catherine
Williams,
President of Consumer Credit Counseling Services
of Greater Chicago
Now Darlings, I got this information from several different sources but Bankrate.com information (posted just above) was the most recent as of 2005.
There is one piece of equipment that I MUST Recommend and that is a Cross Cut Shredder, heavy duty at that. Remember there is always the threat of Identity theft.
Must go Darlings, Kisses
All that rain and wind yesterday! I was watching the 5 o’clock news and I am so glad that I stayed home all day, but how frightening it must have been for those drivers on the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge.
It reminds me of the storms we had nearly 10 years ago and all those houses sliding down from the Hills. Some of my friends were nearly in that situation, fortunately their support pillars held and they had a chance to fix things so it would not be a problem again.
Well today Darlings I had to venture out into the rain, supplies for the house and groceries too, but I thought it would be best to have Princess stay at home, I didn’t want her to get wet in all of this. And my goodness did anyone see the lightening?
Fortunately Betty and I decided it would be best to join forces, so planning our trip like Generals we purchased the non-perishables first, then had a light lunch of soup and salad at one of our favorite eateries and I put Irma’s and mine idea about forming a booklet of places to go to, to rest have coffee, a light snack, or dinner, or other ideas----that way we wouldn’t have to rack out brains out.
She loved the idea so we are getting together tomorrow afternoon to plan how to focus our project---even if it’s for just our own use it will help take out any guess work and also give us a chance to plan on trying new places as well.
But I did promise to find a list of important papers to keep for your files. And Darlings, I was lucky and came across a web site that has listed from a government brochure what is important to keep, the brochure is no longer printed----but it’s alright to copy this information.
And trust me on this, you Darling Divas, this is very important information to have
Here it is-----there will be comments from me set within ( ) to add to it.~~~~~~~
Now Darlings at the bottom of all this Wonderful information is a list of how long to keep financial records, and although many places say 6 years I strongly recommend 10 years, it’s so much easier to keep track of decades.
Keeping Family/Household Records KEEPING FAMILY/HOUSEHOLD RECORDS
This brochure is no longer available in print. It is based on a chapter
from the U. S. Department of Agriculture's 1973 Yearbook of Agriculture
and has been adapted for use online by the Federal Citizen Information
Center of the General Services Administration as a public service. The
chapter on which this brochure is based was originally prepared by
Constance Burgess, a retired Cooperative Extension consumer education
specialist from the University of California. The information is in the
public domain and you are welcome to reference or copy it for educational
purposes.
What to Discard
When was the last time you couldn't find an important paper you knew you
had carefully put away someplace? How much time do you spend trying to
straighten out your household business affairs, especially at income tax
time?
How, in fact, do people decide what records are important to keep and what
they can discard? How do they decide where to store and keep such records
and papers?
Even though each family or household must work out its own system, some
general guidelines can be helpful. As a starter, ask yourself a few
questions:
How easy or difficult would it be for other members of your household to
figure out your record system? Or…do you even have a system?
Who besides you knows where to turn for necessary information about the
family household assets and obligations? Do you have a listing of people
who are important contacts, such as tax counselors, attorneys, bankers,
brokers, insurance representatives, employers, creditors, and debtors?
Are you sure titles to property and possessions are held in the best way
for all concerned? If not, you may want to ask an estate attorney or a
trust officer at your bank for professional assistance.
A good record system will provide a bird's-eye view of what happens to
property after you die or when a member of your household dies. Other
changes can alter plans too---for example, divorce or separation,
children reaching legal age, a long illness, a lawsuit, a natural
disaster, loss of a job, and retirement.
What happens if the place where you live is burglarized or there's a
fire and records are destroyed? What do you do when you lose track of
important paper. Which can be replaced, and how do you go about that?
Which ones cannot be replaced, and what do you do about those?
Papers to Keep in Safe Deposit Boxes
Every family household has some important records. Each of us should have
a birth certificate or an acceptable substitute. Since there are many
occasions when the information on your birth certificate will be needed,
it is important that you keep it in a safe place, preferably in a safe
deposit box.
If you have lost or misplaced birth certificates, consider applying for
replacements now, before there is a pressing need. Otherwise, you may have
to wait for one you need quickly.
State registration of births has been mandatory since 1920, and you can
contact your State agency to get a copy. The Bureau of the Census also
will search its files for proof of age.
By the same token, there will be death certificate for every person
someday. These will be needed occasionally and also are best kept in a
safe deposit box.
If you need to obtain these kinds of records, the publication, Where to
Write for Vital Records is available for viewing or purchase from the
Federal Citizen Information Center, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
Other important documents to be kept in your safe deposit box include
marriage certificates, divorce or other legal papers regarding dissolution
of marriage, adoption papers, citizenship records, service papers, and any
other document that is either government or court recorded. The original
copy of a will, in most cases, is kept in the safe of the attorney who
prepared it.
This is highly desirable, since it may save complications
later. The client receives two carbon copies, one of which may be put into
his or her own safe deposit box. However, there could be a legal delay in
getting this copy at his or her death. The third copy, therefore, should
be kept at home where it is readily accessible.
Some of your important papers, such as investments, are of a business or
financial nature. Certificates for securities are nonnegotiable (can't be
sold or legally transferred) until they are signed by the owner.
Nevertheless, such certificates can be lost or stolen, and the signature
can be forged. In either case replacement involves both cost and delay.
Such certificates then, when not left with the broker, should be kept in
the owner's safe deposit box.
Government bonds can be replaced without cost, but there will be a delay
of several months. So it is best to keep these in the box also.
Among other investment-type documents that require safekeeping are papers
that serve as proof of ownership, such as deeds for real estate, other
mortgage papers, contracts, automobile titles (if this applies in your
State), leases, notes, and such special papers as patents and copyrights.
Renting a Safe Deposit Box
If you don't have a safe deposit box, then consider getting one. The
yearly rental, at your bank or savings and loan company, is inexpensive.(Darlings, even I cannot stress this idea enough)
Often the smallest size is adequate, though larger sizes are available at
slightly higher charges.
If you do have a safe deposit box, ask yourself if it is large enough to
hold everything that should be in it-and small enough to keep out things
that don't need to be there. If you store documents from investment
properties or securities, the rental can be claimed as a deduction for
income tax purposes. The box should not be used as a catchall for
souvenirs and unimportant papers.
What Goes In And What Stays Out
A guideline as to what goes in and what stays out of your safe deposit box
might be: Put it in if you can't replace it or if it would be costly or
troublesome to replace.
Many items can be replaced rather easily. Copies of insurance policies can
be obtained from your insurance companies. Copies of cancelled checks are
usually available at your bank. Generally speaking, you do not need to
keep the following in a safe deposit box: income tax returns, education
records, employment records, bankbooks, social security cards, guarantees,
and burial instructions.
Keeping Tax Records
How long should you keep tax records? The Internal Revenue Service has 3
years in which to audit Federal income tax returns. However, this limit
does not apply in unusual cases. If you failed to report more than 25
percent of your gross income, the Government has 6 years to collect the
tax or to start legal proceedings. Also, there are no time limitations if
you filed a fraudulent return or if you failed to file a return.
(Darlings, my late husband was an attorney and even if he wanted to conceal something from me he NEVER concealed anything from the IRS)
But you don't have to keep everything for tax purposes. You can lighten
your record load by discarding certain checks and bills once they have
served their purpose.
For example, you can throw away weekly or monthly
salary statements---assuming you are paid in that way---after you check
them against your annual W-2 Form.
But save cancelled checks that relate directly to an entry on your tax return, and keep all medical bills for 3 years to back up your cancelled checks.
(Darlings, I recommend that you keep all your medical bills permanently, for those of you who have relatives that are on Medicare and Medical, those bills can help prove your case, especially if there is any type of wrong doing, Mean Kitty’s Mother’s estate was being sued by Medi-Cal for monies even though there was no estate, but Medi-Cal insisted there was---and it was strange that the amount being sued for was the exact amount Mean Kitty had to pay for her Mother’s Funeral---she hired a lawyer to deal with Medi-Cal and they reduced their demands to $500 always get a lawyer on your side to do the fighting, if they are smart they will have connections)
The IRS generally keeps records for 6 years. You can obtain a copy of your
tax return by writing to the IRS center to which your return was sent.
Make sure you include your social security number and a notarized
signature.
Making Household Inventory Records
Among your important papers keep a household inventory. If there is a fire
or burglary in your home, this record will help you remember what has to
be replaced and how much each item is worth. An inventory also may show
that you need to increase your insurance because your possessions are
worth more than you thought.
The best way to go about compiling a household inventory is to start with
a sheet of paper for each room in the house, apartment, etc. Forms on
which to record items are available from several places, sometimes from
your county Extension office.
When you make your inventory, start at one point in the room and go all
the way around, listing everything. For each item, list what it is, how
much it cost, when it was purchased, and what it would cost to replace it.
Include the model number, brand name, dealer's name, and a general
description. If you take pictures of the rooms and your household
possessions, it will make identification or replacement, easier. Arrange
expensive collections, silver, and jewelry separately and take close-up
pictures.
When you have finished all the rooms, including the basement, garage, and
attic, add up the total replacement cost. That figure will represent what
your household is worth and is what your insurance should cover.
Update your inventory every 6 months or so by adding new purchases and
adjusting replacement costs.
(Darlings it would be best to keep the house hold inventory record in your safe deposit box---but if you do not have a chance to do that, then keep it in a fire proof safe or have two copies one in your safe deposit box and one in your at home safe)
Organizing A Home Filing System
A system for personal records is a necessity. No matter how modest your
home facilities might be, you need a special place to keep your papers.
That could be as elaborate as a room or home office or as simple as a
corner of the kitchen, bedroom, or hall.
Records, regardless of the filing system used, should be reviewed at least
once a year to discard items no longer needed. January is a good time for
an overhaul, since it's just before you begin to work on taxes.
The equipment you will need doesn't have to be elaborate. Think about a
filing cabinet before you think about a desk. The two-drawer type can be
covered with paint or wallpaper. A wooden slab or hollow-core door
stretched across the top of two cabinets can make a practical home office
desk.
If you don't have space for a small cabinet, buy accordion folders, a
storage chest that fits under the bed, or get sturdy cardboard boxes of an
appropriate size.
A home computer or portable typewriter and a pocket calculator can be
handy, but they are not essential. The essential thing is to know where
everything is.
(Trust me Darlings, there is often enough a time when having a manuel portable typewriter can be a God-send and they still are making them, just check the internet)
Two Home Files
You should keep two home files, in addition to your safe deposit box at
the bank. These two files are your active file and your dead storage file.
Your active file will hold:
1) unpaid bills until paid,
2) paid bill receipts,
3) current bank statements,
4) current cancelled checks,
5) income tax working papers.
After 3 years, move these items to your dead storage file.
There are other items which should always be kept in your active file.
These include:
1) employment records, such as resumes, recommendation letters, health benefit information;
2) credit card information, including the number of each card, by company name;
3) insurance policies;
4) copies of wills;
5) family health records;
6) appliance manuals and warranties;
7) education information, such as transcripts, diplomas, etc.;
8) Social Security information on benefits and regulations; and
9) an inventory of what's in your safe deposit box (you might store a key in the inventory folder).
10) (Darlings I also recommend a power of attorney as well as a Medical Power of attorney, and a letter recommending what should be done if you do or do not want to be resuscitated----also give a copy of these papers on Medical information to your lawyer and to a responsible, reliable family member on your family side not on your spouses side Remember the Terri Shaivo case)
Finally, keep a record book of the whereabouts of your important papers.
If you use a loose-leaf binder, you will be able to change papers easily
Or copy a page or two.
The book should contain a list of all your savings and checking accounts.
(Darlings with ATM’s and such do be sure to include your passwords with each account)
This way you won't become one of the missing depositors who have forgotten
Their accounts or who have died without telling relatives about them.
Also, include the name and branch of the bank where you keep your safe
deposit box.
The book also should have all of the family members' social security
numbers, and all of the insurance policy information. It's a good idea to
keep a copy of your household inventory here as well.
Don't forget to record all your household improvements.
Finally, make sure someone else knows and understands the family
record-keeping system.
Preparing A Net Worth Statement
Have you tried filling out a net worth statement as a means of keeping
tabs on yourself and your family possessions? Such a record provides a
good overall picture and can be prepared in an hour or less. If you do it
annually, you can see quickly whether you are getting ahead financially or
falling behind and, in either case, how fast.
An accurate net worth statement can serve as a point of departure for the
year ahead. If you're not making as much progress financially as you had
expected to, you can decide whether to stay on course or to change
directions for the coming year.
Where are you going to find a net worth form that will meet your needs? Try your county Cooperative Extension Service office. Or ask at your bank. Better yet, perhaps you can make one to fit your family.
All you do is list your assets, list your obligations, and subtract the debts from the assets. Hopefully the plus side of the ledger will get larger each year and the minus side smaller. But there may be good reasons why you'll fall behind sometimes, such as when you buy a
new home or when other expenses are heavier than usual.
THINGS TO REMEMBER
Use the checklist chart below to remind yourself what to keep and what you
can discard.
Safe Deposit Box
Birth Certificates
Citizenship Papers
Marriage Certificates
Adoption Papers
Divorce Decrees
Wills
Death Certificates
Deeds
Titles to Automobiles
Household Inventory
Veteran's Papers
Bonds and Stock Certificates
Important Contracts
Active File
Tax Receipts
Unpaid Bills
Paid Bill Receipts
Current Bank Statements
Current Cancelled Checks
Income Tax Working Papers
Employment Records
Health Benefit Information
Credit Card Information
Insurance Policies
Copies of Wills
Family Health Records
Appliance Manuals and Warranties
Receipts of Items Under Warranty
Education Information
Inventory of Safe Deposit Box (and key)
Loan Statements
Loan Payment Books
Receipts of Expensive Items Not Yet Paid For
Power of attorney and Medical power of attorney and Medical Directive
Dead Storage
All Active File Papers Over 3 Years Old
Items To Discard
Salary Statements (after checking on W-2 Form)
Cancelled Checks for Cash or Nondeductible Expenses
Expired Warranties
Coupons After Expiration Date
Other Records No Longer Needed
NET WORTH STATEMENT as of ________________
(update annually)
Assets
Cash on Hand$______________
Bank accounts (checking and savings)$______________
Credit Union account$______________
Savings & loan accounts$______________
Any other savings accounts$______________
House, market value$______________
Other real estate, value$______________
Household furnishings, value$______________
Automobile(s), blue book value$______________
Life insurance, cash value$______________
Stocks and bonds, today's value$______________
Profit-sharing or retirement plans$______________
U.S. Savings Bonds$______________
Money owed you$______________
Other assets or investments$______________
Personal property$______________
Total Assets$______________
Obligations
Mortgages, balance due$______________
Other loans (bank, credit union)$______________
Installment debts, balance due$______________
Credit cards, balance due$______________
Charge accounts, owed$______________
Other debts, total owed$______________
Insurance premiums due$______________
Taxes owed$______________
Other current bills$______________
Total Debts$______________
Net Worth (assets minus debts)$______________
Now Darlings this following list maybe a repeat of what is listed above but at the time that the government brochure was printed it wasn't listing IRA's or 4o1 k's and other things, so the information below maybe a repeat of above but it is an update.
Tax returns and proof of filing: Forever - in case you are audited.
Documents Supporting Tax Returns (W-2, 1099, receipts to prove deductions,
etc.): Six years. The IRS has up to three years from when you file to look for
errors on your return and up to six years to audit you if it suspects you
underreported income by 25 percent. (There’s no limit if fraud is involved.)
Receipts: Until the warranty expires, or for as long as you need them for tax
purposes.
Securities Statements (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, etc.): For 6 years after
you sell them; to prove a profit or loss for tax purposes
Medical Bills: 1 yr, unless deducting for taxes, then 6 years.
Pay Stubs: Until your W-2 arrives; (Be sure to double check it for accuracy on
a regular basis!)
401k and IRA Statements: Until your year end statement arrives. Keep your year
end statements for at least 6 years for tax reasons.
Bank Statements: 1 year to confirm 1099.
Utility Bills: 1 year to track usage, assist with budgeting. If you claimed a
home office on your taxes, keep your records for six years.
Credit Card Statements: 1 month for most, so you can reconcile your purchases.
Keep them for longer if needed for tax reasons.
This is great advice to simplify book keeping and getting rid of clutter! It’s
much easier to do if you take care of things as they come in instead of trying
to do a year’s worth of book keeping in one sitting. So take the 15 minutes a
week and get organized!
Don’t forget to shred any documents that have important personal or financial
information before throwing them out! Many of these important documents contain
all the information identity thieves need to steal your identity and ruin your
life.
What financial records to keep and how long to keep them Inside: Home
You can't take everything with you, but the following are
suggestions about how long you should keep personal finance
and investment records on file:
Financial records timeline
Type of record Length of time to keep -- and why
TaxesReturns
Canceled checks/receipts (alimony, charitable contributions, mortgage interest and retirement
plan contributions)
Records for tax deductions taken Seven years
The IRS has three years from your filing date to
audit your return if it suspects good faith
errors.
The three-year deadline also applies if you
discover a mistake in your return and decide to
file an amended return to claim a refund.
The IRS has six years to challenge your return if
it thinks you underreported your gross income by
25 percent or more.
There is no time limit if you failed to file your
return or filed a fraudulent return.
(Remember my Diva Darlings, never try to cheat the IRS, you will lose, always have a good tax preparer do your return, espeically if you are in business or work hard to earn your money)
IRA contributions Permanently
If you made a nondeductible contribution to an IRA, keep the records indefinitely to prove that
you already paid tax on this money when the time comes to withdraw.
Retirement/savings plan statements From one year to permanently(I recommend permanently Darlings, Never trust the IRS)
Keep the quarterly statements from your 401(k) or other plans until you receive the annual
summary; if everything matches up, then shred the quarterlies.
Keep the annual summaries until you retire or close the account.
Bank records From one year to permanently
Go through your checks each year and keep those related to your taxes, business expenses, home improvements and mortgage payments.
Shred those that have no long-term importance.
Brokerage statements Until you sell the securities
You need the purchase/sales slips from your brokerage or mutual fund to prove whether you have capital gains or losses at tax time.
Bills From one year to permanently
Go through your bills once a year.
In most cases, when the canceled check from a
paid bill has been returned, you can shred the
bill.
However, bills for big purchases -- such as
jewelry, rugs, appliances, antiques, cars,
collectibles, furniture, computers, etc. --
should be kept in an insurance file for proof of
their value in the event of loss or damage.
Credit card receipts and statements From 45 days
to seven years (Espeically for any tax deduction or business related expense that is taken as a tax deduction)
Keep your original receipts until you get your
monthly statement; shred the receipts if the two
match up.
Keep the statements for seven years if
tax-related expenses are documented.
Paycheck stubs One year
When you receive your annual W-2 form from your
employer, make sure the information on your
stubs matches.
If it does, shred the stubs.
If it doesn't, demand a corrected form, known as
a W-2c.
House/condominium records From six years to permanently
Keep all records documenting the purchase price
and the cost of all permanent improvements --
such as remodeling, additions and installations.
Keep records of expenses incurred in selling and
buying the property, such as legal fees and your
real estate agent's commission, for six years
after you sell your home.
Holding on to these records is important because
any improvements you make on your house, as well
as expenses in selling it, are added to the
original purchase price or cost basis. This adds
up to a greater profit (also known as capital
gains) when you sell your house. Therefore, you
lower your capital gains tax.
)(Again Darlings when it comes to your house or condo never trust the IRS, I would keep it permanetly as an active file for 7 years then as an inactive file)
(Remember Darlings to also keep Medical Receipts for non-chronic and chronic illness and paid in full loan documents for at least 4 years although I would suggest permanently.
Keep all bank statements—including all canceled check, and receipts for living expenses, vacations, clothing and entertainment for 3 to 7 years especially if you are using it as a tax deduction---perhaps to be on the safe side-then permanently)
Source: Marquette National Bank and Catherine
Williams,
President of Consumer Credit Counseling Services
of Greater Chicago
Now Darlings, I got this information from several different sources but Bankrate.com information (posted just above) was the most recent as of 2005.
There is one piece of equipment that I MUST Recommend and that is a Cross Cut Shredder, heavy duty at that. Remember there is always the threat of Identity theft.
Must go Darlings, Kisses
Saturday, November 17, 2007
One too many martinis and babbling~~~
Alright Possums, this Diva is feeling a little maudlin tonight, maybe one too many martinis.
Diva’s, sometimes one needs to do a bit of reflecting to see where life’s path has taken you, what was right or wrong with your decisions.
But you also have to be aware of the time frame and the perceptions of society of that time. When I was growing up, although my parents wanted me to think independently, make my own money and be financially independent, I was still growing up in an era where women were the dutiful house wives to make the home perfect for their husbands.
Such a conflict!! And such a pressure. Well after college, I was doing very well for myself in my investments making a very good income and I was very reluctant to share that with a husband, any husband.
But my Mother worried that I would be alone for the rest of my life and my Father had met a man who understood business especially from a legal standpoint and was moving up in the law firm that his own father had started. “A good catch” my Mother said, “Excellent Background and a good mind” my Father said----“Handsome” my friends said. But I thought “What is the problem?” then I realized and I talked it over with my Father----“Dad I don’t want to give over my money that I earn to him should we marry, what if there is something that doesn’t work out, I want to be independent just in case”
My Father was wise enough to see my point---he remembered his sister who committed suicide trapped in an abusive marriage and financially had no way out. So he talked to my erstwhile suitor and told him what the arrangements would be and this was before the age of “Pre-nuptial agreements”
So we married, during the honeymoon we came to even further verbal agreements, and I knew the marriage would be loveless and childless. Now a day’s people are quick to see a divorce but you have to remember Possums back then that would have been unseemly and I also knew that the connections that my new husband had would benefit my Father.
I didn’t like the house that he owned but he wasn’t going to sell it for my sake, he bought it for his own self importance.
So since he purchased the house and furnished it before we were married I had decided that there were battles worth fighting and those that weren’t. It’s a wise Diva that knows this.
Decorating the house that he bought was not worth fighting over, there was only one area that I held sway and that was my dressing room, personal sitting room and bath. It was an equitable arrangement. The only time we had an argument was over an Art Modern Vanity table that I bought, he thought it was decadent, I thought it was beautiful I told him that since it was going to be in my dressing room he didn’t have to see it.
Even he realized that there are times to retreat. And he needed me too. I am smart, witty, beautiful, knowledgeable, looked good on his arm, could raise money at charity functions, plan the perfect party, I was the perfect partner to his life.
He let me have my indulgences, my investment and own funds, my 1930’s movies and music, period clothing styles, some of my friends that had the same interests, performing in community theatre; as a matter of fact he made such theatre events a thing for staff and clients.
Oh please don’t misunderstand me, my husband was a good man, he just wanted things his way, and since I had the assistance of an excellent small staff to keep his house running it wasn’t too hard. It left me free to make my own personal investments (and investigations---most interesting story there).
All right I’ll come out with it, I knew that my husband had a mistress; I realized that after we had been married for nearly 20 years. Since he knew that we not commingle funds, there was a house fund, housekeeping and food fund, a bill paying fund and then his monies and mine, we put into the 4 initial funds and since he was the greater breadwinner he always put in more; if he insisted on a large party he would provide the extra money. If I wanted a little get together I paid for it.
He would buy me gifts, furs, jewelry etc. and had no problem with my clothing bill and we did have our medical and dental plan, he never denied me anything---and I knew why.
The Why was Miss 5 ft 5 inches; dark brunette hair, full lips, deep blue eyes, and a figure that was a knock out as they say, 25 years younger---and she kept him happy. But as I’ve always said it’s a wise Diva who knows where her husband stashes his extra money. And my investigations paid off.
One day I informed my husband that it would be a wise thing to do simple wills until we could think of how we wanted to set up a living trust. I pointed out that since I was in my late 40’s and he in his early 50’s it might be a wise move. We had no children (which would have been a blessing but that wasn’t to be) and except for my two siblings and his very elderly mother, we had no other close relatives and my siblings were well off anyway. I thought at first he would resist the idea, but then I could see the wheels in his mind clicking---hmmm wills, hmmm trust, hmmm mistress, hmmm wife.
I suggested that the wills be a temporary arrangement because he was doing a lot of traveling (by plane) until we had some free time to think it all over. Well it wasn’t until later that I found out that he thought that he would have enough time to later sign over some property, stocks and funds to his mistress while we were going to set up the trust and that he could do it secretly since he thought I didn’t know about his love nest arrangement.
But remember my Dear Future Diva’s Moi had been doing her investigations and knew where everything was buried, or comfortably ensconced.
(Am I being Catty---well-----Yes!)
So he thought that the wills would not be a problem until he could make his own private arrangements. (And how did I know that---why though his mistress’s Diary---I’ll explain that in a bit)
Now Darlings you have to understand I had no ulterior motive in mind, I just was aware that we had not made arrangements in case the unexpected happened. Of course my husband thought that he would never die, as a matter of fact he thought he would out live me since there was a background history of stroke and heart attacks in my father’s family, while his lived to very ripe old age, as a matter of fact his mother was still living in a very comfortable and expensive retirement community, the only reason why his father had died was an auto accident (coming home from His mistress’s place, like father like son they say) { Alright yes, Meeyooowl}
But even God has a very peculiar sense of humor, and the Devil takes his own. (Now remember Darlings he was in his own way a good husband, just a cold, sometimes difficult man to deal with and when I married him it was a different time and outlook)
Who would have thought that insuffient de-icing of the wings of a commercial jet airliner would bring our marriage to its final end? I remember kissing him before he flew off, and asked him to at least call to let me know what his return flight would be, then for the next week I went about my business, he would call briefly and up date me on events. Although once when he called I could clearly hear a female voice giggling faintly in the background. Oh well I thought, if he wanted to cheat on the both of us that was his choice, I’m the one with the marriage license.
What I didn’t known at the time is that he took his mistress with him, in a round about way after the plane crash I found out that he sent her by rail to New York for a shopping spree and she joined him a couple of days later, forwarding by UPS all her purchases, to the love nest, hmmm.
I do have to admit, when I found out that it was his flight that had crashed, I felt numb. I realized there wasn’t anything I could do until his remains were properly identified. But when I discovered her name on the boarding list, well then I knew as soon as possible I had to take action. His partners were dumbfounded that I knew where he kept everything and I took action through another legal firm to transfer all that which he had been planning to give to his now late mistress, into my name.
Do I sound cold? Sorry Darlings, but you have to remember I was not sure how I was going to do in my finances, I still had a house to pay off and staff to pay that were dependent upon me, as well as his outstanding bills. I didn’t love him really, but in my own way I was fond of him. And I respected his intelligence in legal and business matters, I learned from him really.
Getting information from his partners I told them that I knew about the mistress and through my investigative sources found out that she had parents and a younger sister and brother. The parents could afford to send the son to college but not the daughter, so Miss 5 ft 5 was sending extra money back to pay for her sisters’ college fund.
The parents could not afford to have the body shipped home but I told them a “little white lie” I said that Miss 5ft 5 was my husbands assistant and that the firm would make arrangements to transport her body home and pay for all the funeral arrangements---which through some arm-twisting they did (Remember Diva’s must be good with Arm Twisting) and though more arm-twisting had them pay out a sizeable amount to cover the money’s needed to pay the sisters’ way through college----we told the parents that it was part of the company insurance policy.
Alright why did I do that----she wasn’t a bad girl---in taking possession of the luxury apartment condo I discovered in a diary that she did care for my late husband, Hmmm I thought, from what I was reading he treated her like a pet that needed to be coddled and watched over---and she gave him complete devotion. Although she did have an ulterior motive, her sister’s college education. I couldn’t fault that---although I have to confess I did wish that he had given me at least half the affection that he gave her.
I destroyed the diary, made arrangements for her mother and sister to travel to her apartment to box and ship those personal items they wanted to keep. I told them to not worry about the lease on the apartment that my lawyer would make arrangements and that it would not be any financial outlay on their part. Again a little white lie, since I was the now legal owner, so why bother their heads about it.
My motive? Why darlings, even I could feel pity---I’m not heartless, I was angry but then in a way I realized that I had sold myself too many years before, but for other reasons---and I was the one with the marriage license. And I knew he would never leave me, things were too good. Remember Divas a married man will never give up his wife and if he does then can you trust him to be faithful? In her diary she constantly thought that he would leave me. Be careful Divas of lies to the heart, they are always false.
Even though this took place 12 years ago, things always remain the same.
I still get a card every Christmas from the sister----she is doing very well in her profession in, of all things, investment banking---hmmm.
His Mother, poor thing was very broken up, her only son, I knew that her care fell to me and I knew I had to do the right thing, she had been in my situation when she was married to my now late husband’s father. And she didn’t have the extra resources at her disposal that I had. She had to have her needs taken care of. Strangely enough we grew closer together, she shared many memories of her husband, her son, her life before them, her dreams she never realized, and she always wanted to be an artist, but her husband discouraged her in that, but I had seen her pencil sketches.
So one day I took her to an artist studio and had her discover water colors, eventually she had her own showing and her works sold very well. It gave her back some of the dreams that she had lost. She passed away in her sleep 5 years after, but feeling more fulfilled than before. Because I would have her over to the house I didn’t change a thing, I was concerned that it would upset her, after she passed away, I didn’t feel the need to have to change anything---why would I, I thought.
Until one day that long flight of stairs just became too much for me, I found myself with shortness of breath. Well a doctor’s examination and pills took care of most of that, but oh that long flight of stairs.
That is why Iris’s house is just so perfect, and I can be fully my own person as I want to be, maybe late in life but better late than never they say.
Oh my dear’s one should never drink more than 2 vodka martinis---all the memories come streaming back---and I have no idea why I blabbed all this to you, except maybe for all of you to learn from it. Always be careful and always remain independent.
Anon for now—this Diva is going to look for an aspirin.
Diva’s, sometimes one needs to do a bit of reflecting to see where life’s path has taken you, what was right or wrong with your decisions.
But you also have to be aware of the time frame and the perceptions of society of that time. When I was growing up, although my parents wanted me to think independently, make my own money and be financially independent, I was still growing up in an era where women were the dutiful house wives to make the home perfect for their husbands.
Such a conflict!! And such a pressure. Well after college, I was doing very well for myself in my investments making a very good income and I was very reluctant to share that with a husband, any husband.
But my Mother worried that I would be alone for the rest of my life and my Father had met a man who understood business especially from a legal standpoint and was moving up in the law firm that his own father had started. “A good catch” my Mother said, “Excellent Background and a good mind” my Father said----“Handsome” my friends said. But I thought “What is the problem?” then I realized and I talked it over with my Father----“Dad I don’t want to give over my money that I earn to him should we marry, what if there is something that doesn’t work out, I want to be independent just in case”
My Father was wise enough to see my point---he remembered his sister who committed suicide trapped in an abusive marriage and financially had no way out. So he talked to my erstwhile suitor and told him what the arrangements would be and this was before the age of “Pre-nuptial agreements”
So we married, during the honeymoon we came to even further verbal agreements, and I knew the marriage would be loveless and childless. Now a day’s people are quick to see a divorce but you have to remember Possums back then that would have been unseemly and I also knew that the connections that my new husband had would benefit my Father.
I didn’t like the house that he owned but he wasn’t going to sell it for my sake, he bought it for his own self importance.
So since he purchased the house and furnished it before we were married I had decided that there were battles worth fighting and those that weren’t. It’s a wise Diva that knows this.
Decorating the house that he bought was not worth fighting over, there was only one area that I held sway and that was my dressing room, personal sitting room and bath. It was an equitable arrangement. The only time we had an argument was over an Art Modern Vanity table that I bought, he thought it was decadent, I thought it was beautiful I told him that since it was going to be in my dressing room he didn’t have to see it.
Even he realized that there are times to retreat. And he needed me too. I am smart, witty, beautiful, knowledgeable, looked good on his arm, could raise money at charity functions, plan the perfect party, I was the perfect partner to his life.
He let me have my indulgences, my investment and own funds, my 1930’s movies and music, period clothing styles, some of my friends that had the same interests, performing in community theatre; as a matter of fact he made such theatre events a thing for staff and clients.
Oh please don’t misunderstand me, my husband was a good man, he just wanted things his way, and since I had the assistance of an excellent small staff to keep his house running it wasn’t too hard. It left me free to make my own personal investments (and investigations---most interesting story there).
All right I’ll come out with it, I knew that my husband had a mistress; I realized that after we had been married for nearly 20 years. Since he knew that we not commingle funds, there was a house fund, housekeeping and food fund, a bill paying fund and then his monies and mine, we put into the 4 initial funds and since he was the greater breadwinner he always put in more; if he insisted on a large party he would provide the extra money. If I wanted a little get together I paid for it.
He would buy me gifts, furs, jewelry etc. and had no problem with my clothing bill and we did have our medical and dental plan, he never denied me anything---and I knew why.
The Why was Miss 5 ft 5 inches; dark brunette hair, full lips, deep blue eyes, and a figure that was a knock out as they say, 25 years younger---and she kept him happy. But as I’ve always said it’s a wise Diva who knows where her husband stashes his extra money. And my investigations paid off.
One day I informed my husband that it would be a wise thing to do simple wills until we could think of how we wanted to set up a living trust. I pointed out that since I was in my late 40’s and he in his early 50’s it might be a wise move. We had no children (which would have been a blessing but that wasn’t to be) and except for my two siblings and his very elderly mother, we had no other close relatives and my siblings were well off anyway. I thought at first he would resist the idea, but then I could see the wheels in his mind clicking---hmmm wills, hmmm trust, hmmm mistress, hmmm wife.
I suggested that the wills be a temporary arrangement because he was doing a lot of traveling (by plane) until we had some free time to think it all over. Well it wasn’t until later that I found out that he thought that he would have enough time to later sign over some property, stocks and funds to his mistress while we were going to set up the trust and that he could do it secretly since he thought I didn’t know about his love nest arrangement.
But remember my Dear Future Diva’s Moi had been doing her investigations and knew where everything was buried, or comfortably ensconced.
(Am I being Catty---well-----Yes!)
So he thought that the wills would not be a problem until he could make his own private arrangements. (And how did I know that---why though his mistress’s Diary---I’ll explain that in a bit)
Now Darlings you have to understand I had no ulterior motive in mind, I just was aware that we had not made arrangements in case the unexpected happened. Of course my husband thought that he would never die, as a matter of fact he thought he would out live me since there was a background history of stroke and heart attacks in my father’s family, while his lived to very ripe old age, as a matter of fact his mother was still living in a very comfortable and expensive retirement community, the only reason why his father had died was an auto accident (coming home from His mistress’s place, like father like son they say) { Alright yes, Meeyooowl}
But even God has a very peculiar sense of humor, and the Devil takes his own. (Now remember Darlings he was in his own way a good husband, just a cold, sometimes difficult man to deal with and when I married him it was a different time and outlook)
Who would have thought that insuffient de-icing of the wings of a commercial jet airliner would bring our marriage to its final end? I remember kissing him before he flew off, and asked him to at least call to let me know what his return flight would be, then for the next week I went about my business, he would call briefly and up date me on events. Although once when he called I could clearly hear a female voice giggling faintly in the background. Oh well I thought, if he wanted to cheat on the both of us that was his choice, I’m the one with the marriage license.
What I didn’t known at the time is that he took his mistress with him, in a round about way after the plane crash I found out that he sent her by rail to New York for a shopping spree and she joined him a couple of days later, forwarding by UPS all her purchases, to the love nest, hmmm.
I do have to admit, when I found out that it was his flight that had crashed, I felt numb. I realized there wasn’t anything I could do until his remains were properly identified. But when I discovered her name on the boarding list, well then I knew as soon as possible I had to take action. His partners were dumbfounded that I knew where he kept everything and I took action through another legal firm to transfer all that which he had been planning to give to his now late mistress, into my name.
Do I sound cold? Sorry Darlings, but you have to remember I was not sure how I was going to do in my finances, I still had a house to pay off and staff to pay that were dependent upon me, as well as his outstanding bills. I didn’t love him really, but in my own way I was fond of him. And I respected his intelligence in legal and business matters, I learned from him really.
Getting information from his partners I told them that I knew about the mistress and through my investigative sources found out that she had parents and a younger sister and brother. The parents could afford to send the son to college but not the daughter, so Miss 5 ft 5 was sending extra money back to pay for her sisters’ college fund.
The parents could not afford to have the body shipped home but I told them a “little white lie” I said that Miss 5ft 5 was my husbands assistant and that the firm would make arrangements to transport her body home and pay for all the funeral arrangements---which through some arm-twisting they did (Remember Diva’s must be good with Arm Twisting) and though more arm-twisting had them pay out a sizeable amount to cover the money’s needed to pay the sisters’ way through college----we told the parents that it was part of the company insurance policy.
Alright why did I do that----she wasn’t a bad girl---in taking possession of the luxury apartment condo I discovered in a diary that she did care for my late husband, Hmmm I thought, from what I was reading he treated her like a pet that needed to be coddled and watched over---and she gave him complete devotion. Although she did have an ulterior motive, her sister’s college education. I couldn’t fault that---although I have to confess I did wish that he had given me at least half the affection that he gave her.
I destroyed the diary, made arrangements for her mother and sister to travel to her apartment to box and ship those personal items they wanted to keep. I told them to not worry about the lease on the apartment that my lawyer would make arrangements and that it would not be any financial outlay on their part. Again a little white lie, since I was the now legal owner, so why bother their heads about it.
My motive? Why darlings, even I could feel pity---I’m not heartless, I was angry but then in a way I realized that I had sold myself too many years before, but for other reasons---and I was the one with the marriage license. And I knew he would never leave me, things were too good. Remember Divas a married man will never give up his wife and if he does then can you trust him to be faithful? In her diary she constantly thought that he would leave me. Be careful Divas of lies to the heart, they are always false.
Even though this took place 12 years ago, things always remain the same.
I still get a card every Christmas from the sister----she is doing very well in her profession in, of all things, investment banking---hmmm.
His Mother, poor thing was very broken up, her only son, I knew that her care fell to me and I knew I had to do the right thing, she had been in my situation when she was married to my now late husband’s father. And she didn’t have the extra resources at her disposal that I had. She had to have her needs taken care of. Strangely enough we grew closer together, she shared many memories of her husband, her son, her life before them, her dreams she never realized, and she always wanted to be an artist, but her husband discouraged her in that, but I had seen her pencil sketches.
So one day I took her to an artist studio and had her discover water colors, eventually she had her own showing and her works sold very well. It gave her back some of the dreams that she had lost. She passed away in her sleep 5 years after, but feeling more fulfilled than before. Because I would have her over to the house I didn’t change a thing, I was concerned that it would upset her, after she passed away, I didn’t feel the need to have to change anything---why would I, I thought.
Until one day that long flight of stairs just became too much for me, I found myself with shortness of breath. Well a doctor’s examination and pills took care of most of that, but oh that long flight of stairs.
That is why Iris’s house is just so perfect, and I can be fully my own person as I want to be, maybe late in life but better late than never they say.
Oh my dear’s one should never drink more than 2 vodka martinis---all the memories come streaming back---and I have no idea why I blabbed all this to you, except maybe for all of you to learn from it. Always be careful and always remain independent.
Anon for now—this Diva is going to look for an aspirin.
Friday, March 16, 2007
WHAT IS A DIVA??
Well Possums I did promise you that I would start putting up my friend "Mean Kitty's" what is a Diva postings here.
And frankly I do think she covers it very well. I am also going to include the meaning of Sovernity because for Divas that is sooooo important.
Mean Kitty and I are going to duplicate the Diva postings, because I do understand that some of her friends are more familar with her than with me.
But Possums---no matter what we are getting it out there---so you must learn to Live the Diva Loca Life.
I do wish that I could make up those cute little jelly type braclets that would say "WWADD"
What Would A Diva Do? Oh do I feel a book in the creation??? Hmmmmm who knows it is possible My Darlings. To learn to be strong as Tina Turner, in control like "Diamond Lil", and as devious as "Laura Mars" and beautiful as well----that is what we all yearn for Darlings. And you are reading it here. So time to Start Learning.
What is a Diva?
The word Diva was originally used for opera singers of the first and finest caliber. This word now applies to popular female persons who are non-operatic Because of that it can also apply to an attitude since many of the non-operatic performers now-a-days have little talent.
In order to qualify as a REAL DIVA you must have one or both of two qualities or dominant traits, a broad and expansive voice or great talent and/or a thoroughly captivating and commanding presence.
The word Diva is the femine Latin word of Divus which means “Divine One” or “God/dess” (Male opera singers are sometimes referred to as “Divo”)
So A Diva is a person who has a rare, outstanding talent or is an extremely independent, confident and wildly talented woman. Think Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Cher, Marlene Dietrich, and Mae West as a few prime examples.
But in the real world of making a living it’s a lot more than that, it’s also a way of life and survival. As you read on you will find out how to become A Diva~~~~~
THE DIVA’S OUTLOOK ON LIFE
A Diva must remember that the word Diva means “Divine Inspiration for Victorious Living” (see Michele McKinney Hammonds’ books)
A Diva knows that if she ignores or dismisses her history she’d be living a lie. A Diva sincerely believes that the mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers of the world went though all they did so we Diva’s wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning with plight and torture and insurmountable odds on our shoulders so we can be free to think about outfits, clients, parties, rocking the industry, making tons of money for our financial security and taking over the entire world.
A Diva will never take for granted all the hard work they did and will continue to fight to keep the gains that have been made for womanhood and demand for more.
A Diva will not be trapped into a straight jacketed life as defined by society, religion, government, men (especially from her boyfriend) or other women.
A Diva is shaped by her parents, grandparents and other relations, and if she is in a good family and social environment she will always take the good with her, the bad she will leave behind. If she is in a negative or toxic family and/or social environment she will do her best to break out of it, she will never forget where she came from, but she will not let its scar’s keep her down but overcome them.
A Diva is her own adult person. She does not need another person to help define or fulfill themselves nor does a Diva need another person to love them to feel that they are loved. A Diva Loves Herself First. (More on that later)
This may give the appearance of being selfish or self-centered, which in the long run is not a bad trait if utilized properly, because A Diva KNOWS that to think of herself first is the first rule of survival. The clever trick that the Diva will implement in certain situations, is making it look like it also benefits other people, but the Diva knows it will benefit her first.
For Example: I have a plum tree that needed to have one of its’ large branches removed but I didn’t have the funds, I also noticed that the branch that needed removing was pressing against my neighbors fence and its upper arms crossing over into her yard. I had informed her when she first moved in “if you want to trim back any branches from any of my trees that are going over into your yard, go right ahead and cut them back to the fence line, you shouldn’t have to be annoyed by them.” My act of generosity worked and she didn’t feel guilty about cutting the branches—I had even told her that she was welcomed to harvest any fruit that was ripening on her side. (Fruit Trees as Shade will give more bang for the buck)
Eventually she came to me and explained about the branch pressing against her fence, and the need for the tree trimmers to have to come onto my property to cut the offending branch, I said I understood the necessity for it to be done and had no problem with it and even drew up a letter of permission for the tree trimmers to come onto my property. The end result she was happy that the branch wasn’t pressing against her fence and causing damage and I was very happy that it didn’t cost me a dime.
A Diva can also be truly caring or generous about other people or situations behind the scenes without announcing, being flamboyant or mushy about it. A Real Diva never brags about it, her actions will brag it for her.
EXAMPLE: From the movie “She Done Him Wrong” with Mae West
Woman with small child stops Lady Lou (West) on the street---“Miss Lou you are a fine woman, A Fine Woman!”
Lou replies with a smile: “One of the finest women to walk the Streets!”
This scene suggests that Lady Lou has helped needy people without her racketeer boyfriend and his cronies as well as any religious or social snobs knowing about it.
Later on in the film Lou sells one of her fabulous diamond necklaces to prevent the charity mission from being kicked out of its home. Granted she does that to prevent the handsome Chaplin from leaving her sphere of influence but her selfish action also keeps a much needed organization from leaving. Watch the movie “She Done Him Wrong” and although dated and a bit corny, see a Diva in action. There are several films featuring Mae West which shows what actions a “worldly-wise” woman will do to get her man, but also helps other people---“Belle of the Nineties”, “Klondike Annie” West’s characters never mock religion or motherhood, but knows how the real world is like and how naive people can be.
A Diva is always confident in her abilities, she knows that with her knowledge, smarts and talents she can mentally “kick butt and take names”, however there are times when it’s good for a Diva to have someone around to bounce ideas off of, whom a Diva will consider a friend, but never either a rival or a slave.
A Diva knows, understands and plays the mans’ game without being a bitch, she knows she has to be smarter than men and stay away from using sex or gutter tactics that can place her in a position of personal, career, financial or legal harm or scandal.
A Diva is always aware of the law and will make the law work for her. If a Diva wants to get a quick lesson about the law she should tape, “Judge Judy”, “People’s Court”, “Judge Joe Brown” and “Cops” not only will she get a quick lesson on the law but also get a laugh about people’s stupidity.
A Diva is never a bitch. Although the term “diva” has been used in a less than flattering tone which indicates “bitch”, a Diva knows that when it’s used in the negative the other person is describing an unpleasant, demanding, and troublesome woman. A True Diva is none of that, but she always gets what she wants, and if she can’t get it, she doesn’t want it.
A Diva will turn the word “bitch” to mean a “Babe In Total Control of Herself”
(B.I.T.C.H.) which a Diva always is.
A Diva is tough without appearing to be tough, but she is not passive/aggressive either, she always works from a position or platform of power, knows all the angles, will make sure that what she has, and is doing is within the law and will hold up in court, and thinks like a man without having to be one. (You will note that I will repeat this quite often---remember don’t act like Rosie O’Donnell)
A Diva NEVER SHOWS ANGER, or distress about a situation and she never panics. If a situation comes up that could make her angry she controls it and instead will analyze the situation to see if there is any way it can be worked in her favor or if there is some way she can utilized the situation. Otherwise she will take it as a learning lesson and file it away among her repertoire of Diva tools.
A Diva will remember to “Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst and See what comes.”
A Diva strongly believes in a woman’s right to choose. This is something she will never forget, because once her sovereignty is taken away she and her Diva sisters will begin to lose all that those who went before her fought hard to win. A Diva will make sure that she and her sisters will never lose those freedoms of choice.
A Diva always knows that she is talented, gorgeous and smart although a man may never be aware of it, belittles it or doesn’t even think of it, it’s one way to outsmart them, and should a man even attempt to belittle a Diva for her smarts, she KNOWS he’s poison and will kick him to the curb right away. A Diva doesn’t need a guy like that to “squire” her around
A Diva can be and most always is a “Warrior Woman” but she never shows it, except when she makes “the Kill”, and even then she does it like a Lady.
A Diva understand the saying “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,” so she makes sure she is NOT fooled at all.
Especially in the items that will be listed, A Diva will be the master of or have a strong understanding in matters of health, business, finance, educational knowledge, attitude, interaction with others and dress, and this can pay off in big dividends----especially if Divas want things to come their way.
A Diva will not be rushed into decision making, but will apply the “10-10-10” rule, which is “How will this affect me in 10 minutes, in 10 months, in 10 years.” Part of this would also assume that the Diva has both short term and long term goals and also a willingness to realize that it’s important to face difficult realities and that this rule will bring about a realization of what is truly important and will prevent the Diva as she is growing up from getting into serious trouble.
For Example: If a Diva is with her friends and one of them says “Hey so and so is having a party, lets go and crash it” A Diva will mentally step back and quickly analyze the situation--- She will think ‘will this bring the police, will I get arrested, or harmed, will I go to jail and therefore lose any chances of good financial advancement. Will this childish action be harmful to me in any way especially as I get older?” A Diva will realize that for the few moments of childish actions or imagined infantile insults, it can lead to a lifetime of pain.
A Diva can be commanding and yet nice, especially when dealing with someone in the service industries such as a Sales girl, waitress, housekeeping in hotels, anyone who renders the Diva a service. A Diva knows that these overworked and underpaid staff persons are what help keeps the Diva’s wheels rolling.
Two Examples: My boyfriend and I traveled to of all places Stockton, for a special event, the hotel we were staying at was very nice but not like staying at a 5 star hotel where a room could costs minimum of $500 a day, but every morning, before we left for the day I would leave a $5.00 tip on the night stand with a note saying “Thank You Housekeeping”. I did this every day as I didn’t know which person was cleaning the room, the end result was when we returned each evening we had fresh towels, fresh sheets, fresh supplies of everything, every thing was immaculate and sparkling, even though we had not requested it.
My Diva eyes noted that whoever was assigned to our rooms was making an extra effort for us. On the last day we were leaving, again I left a tip but I added a longer note that said “Thank You Housekeeping for making our stay so comfortable.” I knew that it would be shown to the other staff and it would certainly reflect that their hard work did not go un-noticed and was appreciated, something that would give a boost to staff, but in doing that it made our vacation wonderful. So it pays for a Diva to note extra hard work by another.
The other event occurred during the Christmas holidays, I was at a department store and was looking at the special offerings of jewelry (A Diva can never have too much jewelry---the real stuff), the counter was crowded and the short amount of staff harassed. People were saying ”here, here take me,” well as soon as one of the staffers finished with one customer she looked up with tired eyes and looked around and all I did was just smile and raised my hand a little and waved.
She immediately came over to me by passing the patrons who were trying to get her attention, once she was in front of me and everyone else realized I was next, I looked at her, smiled and said “Now take a few moments and breathe” She did and I knew it gave her a few seconds to get her thoughts together, that moment of sanity. I suggested that management might want to consider a number dispenser to help create some order for staff and she said she was going to inform them and was grateful for the idea. I deliberately went slowly more for her sake than mine. And she gave me full quality service because with me she got a mini-mental health break. So it pays for a Diva to note when a service person is also having a rough day, by acknowledging that the service person is human with feelings and problems, the service person will go the “extra mile” in service to the Diva.
A Diva needs top quality people in these fields------
Doctors---internists, and GYN, Dentist, eye doctors, and any other doctors, Lawyers (may need more than one), auto mechanic, a good financial officer/advisor (investments), a good CPA(Taxes---a Diva never does her own taxes when she can hire someone to do it but she will always keep excellent financial records), plumber, appliance repair for large appliances, a Vet (if you have a pet), gardener, handyman, maid cleaning service, grocery store that delivers, dry cleaner, tailor or seamstress, shoemaker for repair, hair stylist/beautician, manicurist/pedicurist, masseuses, computer repair person, insurance agent (auto, home, personal) a personal shopper (if need be) and if she is a Diva Mom a good pediatrician, Nanny, Day Care, Baby Sitter, Private School, tutors, etc.
If you have quality people at your service you have it made.
So why these people, one might ask? Some of them are fairly obvious, but some are not, so I’ll explain----A Diva knows how to make things last, because it does pay to be Frugal and not max the credit cards. If a Diva’s Jimmy Cho’s shoe breaks or the handle breaks on her Gucci bag and as you know they ARE expensive, she doesn’t throw them away, she repairs them. The same with clothing, autos, appliances, electronic stuff. In that way a Diva can be frugal, but when it’s dead it’s dead, still a Diva doesn’t throw it away, she will donate to a charity because there will be someone who might be able to fix it and it’s also a tax right off.
MORE TO COME-----
Now Darlings in my next blog I will put in what is "Sovernity" and more about Becomeing a Diva.
Until anno Divafabaulous drinking her Martini and signing off.
And frankly I do think she covers it very well. I am also going to include the meaning of Sovernity because for Divas that is sooooo important.
Mean Kitty and I are going to duplicate the Diva postings, because I do understand that some of her friends are more familar with her than with me.
But Possums---no matter what we are getting it out there---so you must learn to Live the Diva Loca Life.
I do wish that I could make up those cute little jelly type braclets that would say "WWADD"
What Would A Diva Do? Oh do I feel a book in the creation??? Hmmmmm who knows it is possible My Darlings. To learn to be strong as Tina Turner, in control like "Diamond Lil", and as devious as "Laura Mars" and beautiful as well----that is what we all yearn for Darlings. And you are reading it here. So time to Start Learning.
What is a Diva?
The word Diva was originally used for opera singers of the first and finest caliber. This word now applies to popular female persons who are non-operatic Because of that it can also apply to an attitude since many of the non-operatic performers now-a-days have little talent.
In order to qualify as a REAL DIVA you must have one or both of two qualities or dominant traits, a broad and expansive voice or great talent and/or a thoroughly captivating and commanding presence.
The word Diva is the femine Latin word of Divus which means “Divine One” or “God/dess” (Male opera singers are sometimes referred to as “Divo”)
So A Diva is a person who has a rare, outstanding talent or is an extremely independent, confident and wildly talented woman. Think Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Cher, Marlene Dietrich, and Mae West as a few prime examples.
But in the real world of making a living it’s a lot more than that, it’s also a way of life and survival. As you read on you will find out how to become A Diva~~~~~
THE DIVA’S OUTLOOK ON LIFE
A Diva must remember that the word Diva means “Divine Inspiration for Victorious Living” (see Michele McKinney Hammonds’ books)
A Diva knows that if she ignores or dismisses her history she’d be living a lie. A Diva sincerely believes that the mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers of the world went though all they did so we Diva’s wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning with plight and torture and insurmountable odds on our shoulders so we can be free to think about outfits, clients, parties, rocking the industry, making tons of money for our financial security and taking over the entire world.
A Diva will never take for granted all the hard work they did and will continue to fight to keep the gains that have been made for womanhood and demand for more.
A Diva will not be trapped into a straight jacketed life as defined by society, religion, government, men (especially from her boyfriend) or other women.
A Diva is shaped by her parents, grandparents and other relations, and if she is in a good family and social environment she will always take the good with her, the bad she will leave behind. If she is in a negative or toxic family and/or social environment she will do her best to break out of it, she will never forget where she came from, but she will not let its scar’s keep her down but overcome them.
A Diva is her own adult person. She does not need another person to help define or fulfill themselves nor does a Diva need another person to love them to feel that they are loved. A Diva Loves Herself First. (More on that later)
This may give the appearance of being selfish or self-centered, which in the long run is not a bad trait if utilized properly, because A Diva KNOWS that to think of herself first is the first rule of survival. The clever trick that the Diva will implement in certain situations, is making it look like it also benefits other people, but the Diva knows it will benefit her first.
For Example: I have a plum tree that needed to have one of its’ large branches removed but I didn’t have the funds, I also noticed that the branch that needed removing was pressing against my neighbors fence and its upper arms crossing over into her yard. I had informed her when she first moved in “if you want to trim back any branches from any of my trees that are going over into your yard, go right ahead and cut them back to the fence line, you shouldn’t have to be annoyed by them.” My act of generosity worked and she didn’t feel guilty about cutting the branches—I had even told her that she was welcomed to harvest any fruit that was ripening on her side. (Fruit Trees as Shade will give more bang for the buck)
Eventually she came to me and explained about the branch pressing against her fence, and the need for the tree trimmers to have to come onto my property to cut the offending branch, I said I understood the necessity for it to be done and had no problem with it and even drew up a letter of permission for the tree trimmers to come onto my property. The end result she was happy that the branch wasn’t pressing against her fence and causing damage and I was very happy that it didn’t cost me a dime.
A Diva can also be truly caring or generous about other people or situations behind the scenes without announcing, being flamboyant or mushy about it. A Real Diva never brags about it, her actions will brag it for her.
EXAMPLE: From the movie “She Done Him Wrong” with Mae West
Woman with small child stops Lady Lou (West) on the street---“Miss Lou you are a fine woman, A Fine Woman!”
Lou replies with a smile: “One of the finest women to walk the Streets!”
This scene suggests that Lady Lou has helped needy people without her racketeer boyfriend and his cronies as well as any religious or social snobs knowing about it.
Later on in the film Lou sells one of her fabulous diamond necklaces to prevent the charity mission from being kicked out of its home. Granted she does that to prevent the handsome Chaplin from leaving her sphere of influence but her selfish action also keeps a much needed organization from leaving. Watch the movie “She Done Him Wrong” and although dated and a bit corny, see a Diva in action. There are several films featuring Mae West which shows what actions a “worldly-wise” woman will do to get her man, but also helps other people---“Belle of the Nineties”, “Klondike Annie” West’s characters never mock religion or motherhood, but knows how the real world is like and how naive people can be.
A Diva is always confident in her abilities, she knows that with her knowledge, smarts and talents she can mentally “kick butt and take names”, however there are times when it’s good for a Diva to have someone around to bounce ideas off of, whom a Diva will consider a friend, but never either a rival or a slave.
A Diva knows, understands and plays the mans’ game without being a bitch, she knows she has to be smarter than men and stay away from using sex or gutter tactics that can place her in a position of personal, career, financial or legal harm or scandal.
A Diva is always aware of the law and will make the law work for her. If a Diva wants to get a quick lesson about the law she should tape, “Judge Judy”, “People’s Court”, “Judge Joe Brown” and “Cops” not only will she get a quick lesson on the law but also get a laugh about people’s stupidity.
A Diva is never a bitch. Although the term “diva” has been used in a less than flattering tone which indicates “bitch”, a Diva knows that when it’s used in the negative the other person is describing an unpleasant, demanding, and troublesome woman. A True Diva is none of that, but she always gets what she wants, and if she can’t get it, she doesn’t want it.
A Diva will turn the word “bitch” to mean a “Babe In Total Control of Herself”
(B.I.T.C.H.) which a Diva always is.
A Diva is tough without appearing to be tough, but she is not passive/aggressive either, she always works from a position or platform of power, knows all the angles, will make sure that what she has, and is doing is within the law and will hold up in court, and thinks like a man without having to be one. (You will note that I will repeat this quite often---remember don’t act like Rosie O’Donnell)
A Diva NEVER SHOWS ANGER, or distress about a situation and she never panics. If a situation comes up that could make her angry she controls it and instead will analyze the situation to see if there is any way it can be worked in her favor or if there is some way she can utilized the situation. Otherwise she will take it as a learning lesson and file it away among her repertoire of Diva tools.
A Diva will remember to “Hope for the Best, Expect the Worst and See what comes.”
A Diva strongly believes in a woman’s right to choose. This is something she will never forget, because once her sovereignty is taken away she and her Diva sisters will begin to lose all that those who went before her fought hard to win. A Diva will make sure that she and her sisters will never lose those freedoms of choice.
A Diva always knows that she is talented, gorgeous and smart although a man may never be aware of it, belittles it or doesn’t even think of it, it’s one way to outsmart them, and should a man even attempt to belittle a Diva for her smarts, she KNOWS he’s poison and will kick him to the curb right away. A Diva doesn’t need a guy like that to “squire” her around
A Diva can be and most always is a “Warrior Woman” but she never shows it, except when she makes “the Kill”, and even then she does it like a Lady.
A Diva understand the saying “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,” so she makes sure she is NOT fooled at all.
Especially in the items that will be listed, A Diva will be the master of or have a strong understanding in matters of health, business, finance, educational knowledge, attitude, interaction with others and dress, and this can pay off in big dividends----especially if Divas want things to come their way.
A Diva will not be rushed into decision making, but will apply the “10-10-10” rule, which is “How will this affect me in 10 minutes, in 10 months, in 10 years.” Part of this would also assume that the Diva has both short term and long term goals and also a willingness to realize that it’s important to face difficult realities and that this rule will bring about a realization of what is truly important and will prevent the Diva as she is growing up from getting into serious trouble.
For Example: If a Diva is with her friends and one of them says “Hey so and so is having a party, lets go and crash it” A Diva will mentally step back and quickly analyze the situation--- She will think ‘will this bring the police, will I get arrested, or harmed, will I go to jail and therefore lose any chances of good financial advancement. Will this childish action be harmful to me in any way especially as I get older?” A Diva will realize that for the few moments of childish actions or imagined infantile insults, it can lead to a lifetime of pain.
A Diva can be commanding and yet nice, especially when dealing with someone in the service industries such as a Sales girl, waitress, housekeeping in hotels, anyone who renders the Diva a service. A Diva knows that these overworked and underpaid staff persons are what help keeps the Diva’s wheels rolling.
Two Examples: My boyfriend and I traveled to of all places Stockton, for a special event, the hotel we were staying at was very nice but not like staying at a 5 star hotel where a room could costs minimum of $500 a day, but every morning, before we left for the day I would leave a $5.00 tip on the night stand with a note saying “Thank You Housekeeping”. I did this every day as I didn’t know which person was cleaning the room, the end result was when we returned each evening we had fresh towels, fresh sheets, fresh supplies of everything, every thing was immaculate and sparkling, even though we had not requested it.
My Diva eyes noted that whoever was assigned to our rooms was making an extra effort for us. On the last day we were leaving, again I left a tip but I added a longer note that said “Thank You Housekeeping for making our stay so comfortable.” I knew that it would be shown to the other staff and it would certainly reflect that their hard work did not go un-noticed and was appreciated, something that would give a boost to staff, but in doing that it made our vacation wonderful. So it pays for a Diva to note extra hard work by another.
The other event occurred during the Christmas holidays, I was at a department store and was looking at the special offerings of jewelry (A Diva can never have too much jewelry---the real stuff), the counter was crowded and the short amount of staff harassed. People were saying ”here, here take me,” well as soon as one of the staffers finished with one customer she looked up with tired eyes and looked around and all I did was just smile and raised my hand a little and waved.
She immediately came over to me by passing the patrons who were trying to get her attention, once she was in front of me and everyone else realized I was next, I looked at her, smiled and said “Now take a few moments and breathe” She did and I knew it gave her a few seconds to get her thoughts together, that moment of sanity. I suggested that management might want to consider a number dispenser to help create some order for staff and she said she was going to inform them and was grateful for the idea. I deliberately went slowly more for her sake than mine. And she gave me full quality service because with me she got a mini-mental health break. So it pays for a Diva to note when a service person is also having a rough day, by acknowledging that the service person is human with feelings and problems, the service person will go the “extra mile” in service to the Diva.
A Diva needs top quality people in these fields------
Doctors---internists, and GYN, Dentist, eye doctors, and any other doctors, Lawyers (may need more than one), auto mechanic, a good financial officer/advisor (investments), a good CPA(Taxes---a Diva never does her own taxes when she can hire someone to do it but she will always keep excellent financial records), plumber, appliance repair for large appliances, a Vet (if you have a pet), gardener, handyman, maid cleaning service, grocery store that delivers, dry cleaner, tailor or seamstress, shoemaker for repair, hair stylist/beautician, manicurist/pedicurist, masseuses, computer repair person, insurance agent (auto, home, personal) a personal shopper (if need be) and if she is a Diva Mom a good pediatrician, Nanny, Day Care, Baby Sitter, Private School, tutors, etc.
If you have quality people at your service you have it made.
So why these people, one might ask? Some of them are fairly obvious, but some are not, so I’ll explain----A Diva knows how to make things last, because it does pay to be Frugal and not max the credit cards. If a Diva’s Jimmy Cho’s shoe breaks or the handle breaks on her Gucci bag and as you know they ARE expensive, she doesn’t throw them away, she repairs them. The same with clothing, autos, appliances, electronic stuff. In that way a Diva can be frugal, but when it’s dead it’s dead, still a Diva doesn’t throw it away, she will donate to a charity because there will be someone who might be able to fix it and it’s also a tax right off.
MORE TO COME-----
Now Darlings in my next blog I will put in what is "Sovernity" and more about Becomeing a Diva.
Until anno Divafabaulous drinking her Martini and signing off.
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